I won't ever do wrong by you / Grieving the Holy Spirit

So what does it mean to say that you won't do wrong by me that when you choose someone else to marry while you were with me and telling me that you won't ever marry giving me the illusion that I have no way of continuing in this relationship. So what does it mean you won't do wrong by me when I get to be treated like a door mat and no phone call or text no attention like I am someone that matters to you. So what does it mean that you won't do wrong by me when you explain the love you feel for the person you chose the love you never showed me the time you never gave me the way you never treated me. So what does it mean that you won't do wrong by me that you come and take me to expensive dinner believing that you can ask me to bless your relationship on my birthday, when you didn't even have time for me when you were with me.

So what does it mean that you won't do wrong by me when you call me to discuss your problem so I can maybe be there when you are out if balance or confused. So what does it mean really how did I come to this point where you call me to tell me all the problem you could be having with your love when I am suppose to be your wife.

Then I started thinking how I grieve the holy spirit everyday, How I keep on praying that I love you to Jesus and I keep on deciding other wise every minute. How I keep on doing wrong by the holy spirit by not paying attention every time and decide to love something else other than my God. How I decide to pay attention  marry and love other than holy spirit and come to ask Jesus to help me when I am having a hard time there. Who am I married to Who do I love the most, who am I committed to who do I pay attention to most. How I have been denying my time to Christ when he took the time to die for me, he took the time to come down from heaven to explain and show me how much he loves me. How do I go past a day without committing to you without loving on you with out giving you attention with out having to hurt you before you decide to leave me and marry someone else like all the other guys I ever dated.

No Cindrella Exists

Well there goes another heart break again I can no longer say I am surprised or rejected no more. I am more sure today than ever that I don't know Love or relationship. I must have been in fairland or in my own world when I thought I was loving and when I thought I was in relationship with a man that I love and loves me. The thing is now I am not even sad or bitter, I am more sure than ever that I need to start at the bottom first, Love myself Love my family mostly Love God faithfully if I am even going to say I have loved in my life.

Maybe the thing is when I loved I loved like Cindrella that I will love be loved and be transformed to a fairy princess that the Prince comes and rescues me from everything that has ever been uncomfortable sad and a struggle for me. Wow have I been dreaming too much for way too long why was I unsure and sad and believed that, did I not believe in Love trust and my rescue and Savior Prince is Jesus.

So I have what I have what I am no matter the size is what I got from the blessing God gave me how am I dreaming of a Prince to rescue me to the blessings that only I have and some other people only dream and pray for. I prayed for everything and God gave them to me out of his abundance and when I prayed some more He gives me those too, but the moment it starts to become heavy weight and a little bit of a challenge then I have to turn my back on it and ask God for a Prince to rescue a Pricess and transform her like a Cindrella.

Turns out life is not like that no Prince will ever rescue me not a man I date and end up marrying anyways, he is just not there as a prince to rescue me he is only gone be a man a company for me, he doesn't have all that it takes to be a Prince to save damsel in distress. Only one being have that power thats Jehovah Adonai he is my savior Prince who rescues me everytime. He leads me in places he knows that I will grow in that I will be challenged in that I will be able to increase my potential in loving more giving more.

Jehovah rescues me from myself, gives me strength to love when I am not even loved back, ask for forgiveness when I have done nothing wrong, help when I have nothing to help with. He is a miraculous God when I come to think of it I love when I am not loved because I was loved and saved when I didn't even Love by Jesus. I was forgiven when I didn't forgive my brother and sisters. I am blessed and loved and rescued and there goes my Cindrella story.

Love letter to Jesus Jehovah Adonai

Is not like dating man relationship, I love you differently. You are always there keep me warm when I am cold, you give me strength when I am weak. You give me hope and light in this dark broken world. What a lucky girl am I to have you in my life. What did I do to deserve a love like yours.

Nothing I say or do can ever explain everything that you do for me, the way you treat me and the way you love me I don't have have words, I am speechless and tongue tied. You know exactly what I am like I am not even good and didn't do good by you but you still show how burning fire your love is for me.

Come to think of there is nothing that I have done that I can think of I am not really sure I have anything that I gave so he can give me all this. In my mind I feel like a Cindrella all that mattered is my name and boom the Prince Charming likes me loves me and marries me.

Your promises are never ending and I believe everyone of them I trust you have only the best in store for me. How can you love me like that.

Jesus to me you are amazing you are loving you are everything I have asked for and more, I am more satified with you than anyone else, I love you too.

I am not good on a lot of things but with you I will do whatever it takes to prove to you I love to show you I will be there for you as much as it takes, I am