Armor of God: Belt of Truth: “Stand therefore, having girded your waist with truth,” the apostle Paul wrote in Ephesians 6:14. How does truth serve as a defense in the armor of God?
Tonights whisper
Tonight I heard a whisper of my heart from when I was a kid when I really was a kid and I heard a revelation I can't Express explain or handle.
I heard it again today while I was on my knees praying I had always wondered why I am alive why I am the way I am why I see the things go the way I go feel the way I feel, I have always had this keen desire to figure it all out and being a kid I wanted all the answers all at once and now I realize that how so young misguided I was.
When I talked to my sister about being humble and always having the hunger and desire to learn to experience to break ground not only in achieving of the things of the world but the things of the most High is most important thing in this God given green earth.
What am I trying to say I haven't always known this about my self today I saw it explaining itself to me I haven't always had orthodox learning and grasping of thing from my educational text book to the every bit of correction that my parents or sibling have been able to tell me.
I just simply rejected it if it doesn't seem right with the moment and level of standing or understanding I have on the idea, and it also depends on my feeling toward the person trying to teach me I wonder why if they are coming from a good place or not. I have had great teachers like my brother what ever he says is correct to me like he has always been the only person who can actually get through to me he understood me more than my dad now that I even realize he always seen me like I have potential and capability of things and level and depth of things I still didn't know of. He is my hero granted my dad is definitely number one because if it weren't for him I wouldn't know how amazing my brain can be and how beautiful it can be when used even quarter of it. He definitely had a say and a share in the way I am right now, I have always been curious to find out whats is so fascinating about going to College everyone raves about.
But to come to my point I had always been this way for so many reason and the most important part of me that I love is the fact I always thought that I would figure out the meaning of life like the way its actually supposed to be lived with out leaving and wasting any moment of it. Maybe the screen of watching too much Hollywood with mixture of my aunts who always been happy just knowing God and living in his word also helped, not to mention the most amazing human I have ever known in my life my life teacher my grandma. My mom also had a part as well not to be lost in my train what I am trying to say is my family are more complicated more deep more amazing than I ever thought of, I am a mixture of every single one of them I have a piece of every single one of them, they all have so many different things to offer and one way or the other they offered me a piece of their life and unknowingly I took as much of them as I could I took some from my friends I took a lot from movies I took too much from my real life experience.
I can tell you this maybe people call living in Juba was hell but it wasn't for me I now realize how grateful I am for it. If it wasn't this desire that went deep in me to figure out life and to be accepted that took me through everything I went and come here. You see I get it when they call Juba hell while they compare this or anywhere else it makes sense, Its all about security here I live in comfort there is water hot water water to drink different types of drink so many to choose from life is just amazingly high standard here and I get that makes sense people is suppose to live in harmony in peace in a place where they are cared for and where they can be secured and protected. But If America is all that why from my point of view I had more deeper love, more deeper conversation, more deeper appreciation for life in Juba than I have here, If life is all about being secured being in a perfect clean safe and secure neighborhood why does my heart sour and pity the way I am living now.
I am not so hard to please I am usually the girl with one book one best friend and laughter and call it a day. I get that being in the US is for a reason and a season just like everything in my life the personality that I have doesn't deal with comfort so well. Don't get me wrong its good its amazing the opportunity here is endless and it can make any humble normal human greedy to a point for me my greed is towards finding out my purpose for living. Working 9 to 5 for now is not really the last destination or purpose I am here for I know I will grow I will learn more I will be achieving a lot too.
But the whisper asked what I am about to do or did do come to a result or a purpose now my walk is with the Lord God almighty and I think this time its the right direction and the right path. From Eritrea to Addis Abeba to Juba to Uganda to Kenya to United States I have seen a lot in a lot of geographical location and I don't think I am done, now its not about changing location now. Its about the purpose of why I am in this path right now and what is the end purpose its taking me to accomplish.
From the looks of it this can't be just about me it has mostly always been about my family and my role in it but now I know it about me and God and my role in his purpose for my life, my heart irks and whimpers I know I am in the most exciting and thrilling time of my life and purpose of my life.
Now my teacher is lord God almighty and he worked a miracle in me he took out all the bad seed that were growing in me and sow all the good seeds from his heart his love and his principle, now its about me and God and how he is leading and taking me to the purpose and direction of where I am suppose to be so he has always been the one leading me in the midst of all my guidance and direction he has always been the one to come overrule and redirect my path when I seemed to be lost.
He is the only reason I am relocated here now, for a purpose for growth for his own will and now I will humbly learn from his book humbly learn from his correction.
FREEDOM IN DIFFERENT TERMS
What is freedom and what is the opposite of freedom. I have always been able to see freedom as a mental depth and view thing, I have always been stricken by it. When I was a kid I thought getting out of the house to play was freedom my mom not saying anything, when I grew up I thought staying up to late night to watch movies was freedom ( It just made me happy), then I went to High School I just wanted my dad to give me money so I can go out and hang out as much as I want to with my friends, then I went to College freedom become a different definition I wanted to be free from studies I wanted to be free from worries of where I am going after graduation, then after graduation freedom turned to be where the government will appoint me to work to serve and how I can get out of it to make money to do what I want.
See I have always thought that from watching in the screen for so long that freedom looked like movies where you get a great job in the first world and have my own apartment, my own car, enough money to go on vacation every quarter and have family that value me.
Playing games when I was a kid was good but I didn't want to obey my mom when she tells me to come and do something else so that freedom I thought brought disobedience, staying up late at night to watch movies created an addiction to screen up until now it seems like its a strong hold addiction taking my time my energy and joy away, getting money created a feeling that all I could care about more than my family was going out to look nice to feel good to impress someone so that created a self consciousness that gave me bondage on what people think about me, worry for the future created a whole in me that drove me to take a risky step and a risky direction for the so called future of my selfish personality.
All I did all my life was fight the real meaning of freedom the real point of being free and always being in prison of all the rest of the things that resembled like freedom but really isn't. I am facing different type of dilemma now as I am coming to true meaning of freedom. The religious fanatics and legalistic created standard that the freedom that Jesus gave us is not as good as it feels and it looks, I am surprised to hear so many people tell me that they can't believe in God anymore because it makes you legalistic limits you to do things that they still see is good for them. I am out of all the things they feel is freedom and their free right to do with out any consequence or with out any more look alike of freedom. They are comparing Jesus to religion to legalism I am out of all of that and I entered a dimension that gives me freedom with out consequence, bondage and addiction,
Freedom have different meaning everywhere in the world my father always thought that freedom is modern world not bound to culture and old ways, before he thought freedom was being with out war like the free world that we see people doing anything going any where they feel like. At some point for me having a passport was freedom thinking that I can go anywhere I want meant that I was free but that's not the case now that I have a passport. In the times of Martin Luther King we thought being able to be free and being able to vote will solve all the problems a black man had in the USA but that's not the case now after 50 years black man is still having problem.
At this point I have a completely set standard for the sake of freedom I have an absolutely final and real standard of the definition of freedom. I know now that freedom is not a location, freedom is not money, freedom is not family, freedom is not value, freedom is not a mental stability or feeling.
All my life I have thought of freedom in a very wrong way that created disobedience, addiction, bondage to peoples thinking, to never ending worry that took too far away from the definition of the real meaning of freedom the truth of freedom.
Freedom is not even about me anymore I have been shown and proved that freedom is about someone else I never even thought of all my life. Freedom comes from Jesus freedom is only given by the God almighty who took his life his kingdom to die for us and give us his kingdom and freedom.
When my heart rested in Jesus then I realized that I am free from all the things I created and thought were giving me freedom but gave me nothing that ever resembled freedom. Jesus gave me freedom to choose to either be addicted or to joyfully spend time in more creative works, gave me freedom to choose between bondage of people thinking toward me or to joyfully love them and see the best they have in them the soul that Jesus can reside in. There is not enough time in the day for me to spend them indulging in things that doesn't accelerate growth accelerate creativity or accelerate the gifts that God has given me.
So I say freedom is winning during the times of adversity living like you are free even when are literary in prison freedom knowing you got everything you ever thought of and that you can now live exactly like you should like the dream that God put in to your heart. For me I have always been free if I take myself out of the equation I have always been given direction I was just resisting that took me far away from freedom. I have to go through a lot of ways for me to come to a conclusion I live gladly I live with Joy I live thankful that even though I resisted I am living in freedom.
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