STRANGELY HOPEFULL

Tonights whisper

Tonight I heard a whisper of my heart from when I was a kid when I really was a kid and I heard a revelation I can't Express explain or handle.

I heard it again today while I was on my knees praying I had always wondered why I am alive why I am the way I am why I see the things go the way I go feel the way I feel, I have always had this keen desire to figure it all out and being a kid I wanted all the answers all at once and now I realize that how so young misguided I was.
 When I talked to my sister about being humble and always having the hunger and desire to learn to experience to break ground not only in achieving of the things of the world but the things of the most High is most important thing in this God given green earth.

What am I trying to say I haven't always known this about my self today I saw it explaining itself to me I haven't always had orthodox learning and grasping of thing from my educational text book to the every bit of correction that my parents or sibling have been able to tell me.

I just simply rejected it if it doesn't seem right with the moment and level of standing or understanding I have on the idea, and it also depends on my feeling toward the person trying to teach me I wonder why if they are coming from a good place or not. I have had great teachers like my brother what ever he says is correct to me like he has always been the only person who can actually get through to me he understood me more than my dad now that I even realize he always seen me like I have potential and capability of things and level and depth of things I still didn't know of. He is my hero granted my dad is definitely number one because if it weren't for him I wouldn't know how amazing my brain can be and how beautiful it can be when used even quarter of it. He definitely had a say and a share in the way I am right now, I have always been curious to find out whats is so fascinating about going to College everyone raves about.


But to come to my point I had always been this way for so many reason and the most important part of me that I love is the fact I always thought that I would figure out the meaning of life like the way its actually supposed to be lived with out leaving and wasting any moment of it. Maybe the screen of watching too much Hollywood with mixture of my aunts who always been happy just knowing God and living in his word also helped, not to mention the most amazing human I have ever known in my life my life teacher my grandma. My mom also had a part as well not to be lost in my train what I am trying to say is my family are more complicated more deep more amazing than I ever thought of, I am a mixture of every single one of them I have a piece of every single one of them, they all have so many different things to offer and one way or the other they offered me a piece of their life and unknowingly I took as much of them as I could I took some from my friends I took a lot from movies I took too much from my real life experience.





I can tell you this maybe people call living in Juba was hell but it wasn't for me I now realize how grateful I am for it. If it wasn't this desire that went deep in me to figure out life and to be accepted that took me through everything I went and come here. You see I get it when they call Juba hell while they compare this or anywhere else it makes sense, Its all about security here I live in comfort there is water hot water water to drink different types of drink so many to choose from life is just amazingly high standard here and I get that makes sense people is suppose to live in harmony in peace in a place where they are cared for and where they can be secured and protected. But If America is all that why from my point of view I had more deeper love, more deeper conversation, more deeper appreciation for life in Juba than I have here, If life is all about being secured being in a perfect clean safe and secure neighborhood why does my heart sour and pity the way I am living now.

I am not so hard to please I am usually the girl with one book one best friend and laughter and call it a day. I get that being in the US is for a reason and a season just like everything in my life the personality that I have doesn't deal with comfort so well. Don't get me wrong its good its amazing the opportunity here is endless and it can make any humble normal human greedy to a point for me my greed is towards finding out my purpose for living. Working 9 to 5 for now is not really the last destination or purpose I am here for I know I will grow I will learn more I will be achieving a lot too.

But the whisper asked what I am about to do or did do come to a result or a purpose now my walk is with the Lord God almighty and I think this time its the right direction and the right path. From Eritrea to Addis Abeba to Juba to Uganda to Kenya to United States I have seen a lot in a lot of geographical location and I don't think I am done, now its not about changing location now. Its about the purpose of why I am in this path right now and what is the end purpose its taking me to accomplish.

From the looks of it this can't be just about me it has mostly always been about my family and my role in it but now I know it about me and God and my role in his purpose for my life, my heart irks and whimpers I know I am in the most exciting and thrilling time of my life and purpose of my life.
Now my teacher is lord God almighty and he worked a miracle in me he took out all the bad seed that were growing in me and sow all the good seeds from his heart his love and his principle, now its about me and God and how he is leading and taking me to the purpose and direction of where I am suppose to be so he has always been the one leading me in the midst of all my guidance and direction he has always been the one to come overrule and redirect my path when I seemed to be lost.
He is the only reason I am relocated here now,  for a purpose for growth for his own will and now I will humbly learn from his book humbly learn from his correction.