Economics is Accurate "No Such thing as free meal"

I get it now there is no such thing as free meal, humans will definitely get their money their energy their efforts worth. It is not necessarily bad actually literally every single one of us are normally like that I only know one person who can really just give and never ask to take. Starting from me I actually give so I can take later I maybe be selfish sometimes. And I think my lesson for this life time is this because I keep on getting the same type of test over and over again and I definitely failed it more than two times going to three times.

But the second time is so weird that I didn't even see it coming. Okay I am talking about the guy I dated more than a year and I thought would actually marry me or loved me for real turned out to settle for someone else who is not me. And the weird stuff is that he wasn't sure he wanted to get married when he was with me and that he is telling me he is marrying this girl 4 months after he told me that. He kept on saying he can't talk to his kids and stuff like that well he is now gonna do that and more. He told me that he decided to wait on a lot of things with her and that she agreed that she will be a stay home wife and not work at all. He said he is buying a bigger house because she wants 6 kids. He said she wants to go to church and not the club. He told me that she listens to him and that she works out because he told her. She is not here actually she is coming to US with his mom and dad he already finished the process for her. He told me that his ex wife called and congratulated him on his new marriage. I think he is already married and he asked me to bless him. And All of this is weird I know I didn't want to marry him and that I was hesitant and he was really treating me like I was nothing to him. His character definitely made me walk away I hope he treats this one right.

But here is the thing the first I dated did the same thing and he was more than hurtful he just met her on the phone then as soon as he visited and met her he decided to commit and decided to choose her and completely give in. I know its crazy but both of these men decided to commit right after they dated me so I am definitely the common denominator. Am I that mean and cruel I know there is something that I can't see but that I keep on sabotaging myself.

So what is it how did I get here from shy principled decent girl who can't express herself to this girl that all the guys I actually dated and put effort in never committed to me and in fact were hesitant and next girl they met decided to marry right away. About this one I think he just hang out this long to get back his money worth and I gave it all back now I can't even ask him for a job because he will give me out of guilt and that will never work out. My brother is so smart he wouldn't work with this guy because he realized that he will get his moneys worth whenever he gets it. The other guy was hesitant I think he just backed up maybe because of my character is a bit flaky and that I wasn't exactly like what he thought.

Why believers can't be with Unbelievers

Today I came to realization that darkness and light can't really make it work. I have been dating non Godly man  for a while now from March of 2016 I started talking to him seriously. But before that I was not really interested because he is not christian.But I was also under pressure from my family to get married, I was really just going with the plan I had to get married by 28 and I was only looking for a serious man who will marry me. And then I found this one and it turned out that I am really not Godly either. I didn't give Jehovah Rohi to lead my path to make me lie down in green pasture and lead me beside still water. Instead I lead myself and now I can't even see my self as anything but a failed believer a complacent a non committer a non aggressive a lot of things that is in darkness than there is in light.

Now I see why I can't date a non Godly man, he seems to miss the whole point of being with someone that is not christian. Being a christian is all about persuing God  Jehovah and Jesus together with the person you date and eventually marry, you only have one intention and thats marriage and thats why you date. But the non Godly man just persues selfish agenda he doesn't think even once about God and his input in the relationship what it means to keep the relationship in pure state. And I am not saying I am good too but me being the only one with that Christ vision in my agenda only leads to failure. Lust is great enemy and it can only be won when the two are actually battling it out, other wise me being the only christian  in the relationship trying to persue sexual purity means I will be battling three enemies the unintentional non believer person I am dating, lust itself and in my head believing I am in love with this guy. In that I didn't call Holy Spirit to come help me so I lost the battle and ended up having mini sex of kissing and touching. And I wonder am I ever gone win this battle am I only destined to fail it, keeps on happening and I dont know if I can ask God to forgive me again I will despise myself and I wonder what my fruit will be.

Jehovah Rohi please lead me I now realize I can't date this man who makes it okay for this situation who is unintentional about persuing this with out Gods permission, the only hope is even a christian man if he is not intentional about giving God the priority to actually be the one who leads and gives us this feeling of wanting to have sex to kiss is permissable and a gift from Jehovah I don't want to persue.

I am human I have fleshly desires so does the man but God comes first if we both intentionally wait until its okay to do so. And thats when the strength to stay pure becomes stronger if the man you are dating understands that Christ is the priority in this relationship. The only other enemy left to fight is lust, when in crisis Holy spirit makes the walk easier.

I am gona give up on my plan on my guy and on my desires all of it to Jehovah the God of greatest Kingdom and the only Kingdom I will come and Bow to and say Lord Jesus do with it what you will I am just a servant in this Kingdom only here to bear fruit of this Kingdom It is all in your hand. I am done I have failed.