Today I came to realization that darkness and light can't really make it work. I have been dating non Godly man for a while now from March of 2016 I started talking to him seriously. But before that I was not really interested because he is not christian.But I was also under pressure from my family to get married, I was really just going with the plan I had to get married by 28 and I was only looking for a serious man who will marry me. And then I found this one and it turned out that I am really not Godly either. I didn't give Jehovah Rohi to lead my path to make me lie down in green pasture and lead me beside still water. Instead I lead myself and now I can't even see my self as anything but a failed believer a complacent a non committer a non aggressive a lot of things that is in darkness than there is in light.
Now I see why I can't date a non Godly man, he seems to miss the whole point of being with someone that is not christian. Being a christian is all about persuing God Jehovah and Jesus together with the person you date and eventually marry, you only have one intention and thats marriage and thats why you date. But the non Godly man just persues selfish agenda he doesn't think even once about God and his input in the relationship what it means to keep the relationship in pure state. And I am not saying I am good too but me being the only one with that Christ vision in my agenda only leads to failure. Lust is great enemy and it can only be won when the two are actually battling it out, other wise me being the only christian in the relationship trying to persue sexual purity means I will be battling three enemies the unintentional non believer person I am dating, lust itself and in my head believing I am in love with this guy. In that I didn't call Holy Spirit to come help me so I lost the battle and ended up having mini sex of kissing and touching. And I wonder am I ever gone win this battle am I only destined to fail it, keeps on happening and I dont know if I can ask God to forgive me again I will despise myself and I wonder what my fruit will be.
Jehovah Rohi please lead me I now realize I can't date this man who makes it okay for this situation who is unintentional about persuing this with out Gods permission, the only hope is even a christian man if he is not intentional about giving God the priority to actually be the one who leads and gives us this feeling of wanting to have sex to kiss is permissable and a gift from Jehovah I don't want to persue.
I am human I have fleshly desires so does the man but God comes first if we both intentionally wait until its okay to do so. And thats when the strength to stay pure becomes stronger if the man you are dating understands that Christ is the priority in this relationship. The only other enemy left to fight is lust, when in crisis Holy spirit makes the walk easier.
I am gona give up on my plan on my guy and on my desires all of it to Jehovah the God of greatest Kingdom and the only Kingdom I will come and Bow to and say Lord Jesus do with it what you will I am just a servant in this Kingdom only here to bear fruit of this Kingdom It is all in your hand. I am done I have failed.
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